3 WAYS TO SHOW UP AS YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF
THE AUTHENTIC SELF – 3 ways you can show up and live in authenticity
Table of contents:
1. What does it mean to be authentic?
2. Why do we hesitate to show up in the world as our authentic selves?
3. What happens when we don’t show up as authentic?
4. 3 steps you can take to live in authenticity
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE AUTHENTIC?
The “authentic self” is how we show up in the world when we are truly aligned with our deepest knowing. We are living in authenticity when what we do and say matches up with our core values and beliefs, and we are unencumbered by the fears and conditioning that our learned beliefs from others have created within us.
I can say without a doubt that it is only until recently that I began being authentic.
Because when you are authentic you feel GOOD. You move about in the world with a sense of purpose, a general feeling of elation, and having a lot of fun.
As our authentic selves we are no longer afraid of the things that we personally love, we are not afraid to say “YES” to what we desire and say “NO” to what we do not.
When we are authentic, we are free from the opinions and expectation of others and can see ourselves, even the messy and imperfect parts, as valuable and beautiful.
It took me nearly forty-five years to show up in the world like that.
WHY DO WE HESITATE TO SHOW UP IN THE WORLD AS OUR AUTHENTIC SELVES?
Because for the most part we don’t really know who we are.
I spent most of those first forty-five years not knowing who I really was. It felt safe to be a great student in school. That good trusty friend who showed up no matter what and never complained if they felt hurt or mistreated. I was also a wild child during my college years and after while living in New York City. Although at that time I felt like part of me was showing up as me, but I was acting out a lot of depression and anxiety.
If I were to make a list of when I did feel like “me”. It would have included times when I was creative, when I was a team leader, when I was truly compassionate and understanding. When I wasn’t judging others, and when I was growing as a person.
But those periods of time where few and far between for a lot of my life.
Later when I met my husband and we got married, I was not my authentic self. I lived my life for him and what he needed and wanted me to be. I also wanted so desperately to keep peace and harmony in our social and family lives that I started to no longer recognize myself. It was as if that creative, sassy, fun woman all but disappeared and was replaced by fear.
I allowed for all of that to happen because I really didn’t know who I was. If I had felt completely in touch with my deeper self, my soul, my life purpose, than I would have changed many aspects of my life
It wasn’t until my husband’s passing, when everything I had been living for over a decade was taken away from me that I finally acknowledged that I had no idea who I really was. And that was a big first step.
BECAUSE WE WANT PEOPLE TO LIKE US
As people we love to harmonize. We crave to be a part of a tribe. We desire the comfort of mutual understanding, and simply we want people to like us.
From our earliest childhood experiences, we have been asked to do things to make those who took care of us feel better. Mostly we were told that all of it was for “our own” good. People convinced us that if we fit in we would have an easier life. Our path to “success” was through finding mutuality and harmony with others.
Those thoughts were ingrained in our minds and consciousness and became beliefs many of us hold onto decades later.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DON’T SHOW UP AS OUR AUTHENTIC SELVES
Simply put – we are unhappy.
It is painful to pretend. And what we think we are gaining by not being ourselves, we usually end up losing. After all my years of being inauthentic to save my marriage and to fit in with my husband’s life. Well, after he passed, it all disappeared anyway. My marriage wasn’t going to be saved and the people I thought cared about me. They all but disappeared when I suddenly became me again.
It takes a great deal of energy to be someone who we are not. Hiding your true likes and dislikes, pretending to care about things that truly don’t interest you or keeping yourself quiet around others because you want them to like you is a lot of hard work.
Think about the mental gymnastics it takes in your mind to remember what you are SUPPOSED to say or do when you aren’t being your true self.
When we aren’t authentic, we are not able to communicate effectively or set boundaries with others.
How can we have an expectation of effective communication when we are denying our basic selves. It is only when we show up authentically that others can truly respect us for who we are.
5 STEPS YOU CAN TAKE TO LIVE IN AUTHENTICITY
· GET TO KNOW YOURSELF BETTER
How well do you know who you really are? At the core we are all beautiful souls, we want to be love, kindness and feel empowered. However, life experience as taken us away from that core person we were coming into this life experience.
So take the time to do some work and explore who you are. Ask yourself some questions: What are your preferences? What do you do already that gives you energy? What do you think is fun? What are your values?
Working with a life coach can really help you explore your core energy and values. Or even having a partner or friend who really knows you can help, but finding an objective person to open you to different perspectives can launch you on a strong journey of self-discovery.
· Understand that others don’t care about who you really are as much as you think they do
Perhaps that sounds a little harsh, but there is a lot of truth about that. Most people have so much happening in their own lives that really the amount of time and energy they spend concerning themselves with you and what it is your doing is not as much as you think.
Remember: “What other people think about me is none of my business.” Well unless I ask. If you ask, expect an answer, otherwise let it go.
· REMIND YOURSELF THAT SHOWING UP AUTHENTICALY IS AN EVOLVING PROCESS
It takes time to undo what can be a lifetime of being authentic. Be patient with yourself. This is a process of testing the waters and then reflecting and the repeating.
Change is often like that. So prepare for a process. It is the nature of growth. More importantly begin to love and enjoy that process and watch how much you grow to love your authentic self so much that you would never desire to show up in your life in any other way.
With each new experience you create a new and unique version of you. What was authentic to you five years ago may no longer hold the same value. Our inner selves change over time and the more you get to know yourself the more you will see that evolution.
